Beginning part written by Sam

Get your fat butt up here Alfred!” screamed his mother. Alfred Chism was odd. He was a loner, and he had no friends, nobody that could even be confused with a friend. Alfred was a short, rotund, and bald 45-year old man. “I’m coming! Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” He replied.

“Well hurry up! Your bacon-jello will get mushy!”

“Fine, fine.” As Alfred hurried to get dressed he was wondering what the special occasion could be. His mother only made bacon-jello on the most special of special days. He continued to contemplate this as he went up to breakfast. Then he saw the table. It didn’t matter what was going to happen he could’ve been sent to his death and willingly gone if he could’ve eaten this meal. There was a 28 by 10 foot table taking up the entire kitchen filled with the most delicious foods known to man, and it was only set for one. Alfred simply was in heaven. Not only was there bacon-jello, there was lobster tails, marinated steaks, basted crab legs, and an ice cream buffet. That’s only naming the least enjoyable foods. “Alfred! It took you long enough! Hurry and eat up for ghostbusting practice.”

“Wait. What? Ghostbusting!? Mother, I’m middle-aged, fat and uncoordinated! Ghostbusters are the most fit and coordinated people on the planet. How in God’s green earth am I supposed to not die let alone be good?”

“Alfred! You will not talk to your mother in that tone of voice! Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!”

“MOTHER!?!?!?!? I’m 45 and I still have timeout that is not fair!”

“One more comment like that and I’ll double the time. So go.”

“But, Mother,-“

“GO! NOW!” Alfred hated his life and wanted nothing more than to get out of it, but he couldn’t, so he was stuck with a crazy mother, timeouts at 45, and ghostbusting tryouts. The following minutes were the most agonizing of his life up to that point. He had to know what was waiting for him upstairs, but could only fantasize about it for the next 45 minutes. I’d like to tell you what happened for those 45 minutes, but it would be so boring and utterly repetitive I will spare you. Finally as the 45 minutes ended Alfred sprinted upstairs for his food, but as he got up he saw it all to be replaced with oatmeal, an ocean of oatmeal that he would need to eat through, to do anything. At first he thought it the worst thing that ever happened to him, but then he decided to use it to his advantage and try to miss ghostbusting tryouts. As he reveled in this glory he realized his mother would think of this. There was still one door unblocked, but it was fingerprint locked and would only open to his mother’s finger. O gee wilickers, Thought Alfred as he saw his mother enter the room. “Alfred,” she said “I need you to make this house spotless before tonight. No oatmeal left and our garbage cans aren’t made for paste so eat up.”

“NO! Mother, I have to go to ghostbusting.”

“Well you better finish before then because your coach is having dinner with us tonight.”

“Mother, I haven’t even met him and he’s already coming for dinner? How much sense does that make? Oh, let me see, about as much as me being a Ghostbuster!”

“YOU! YOU LITTLE‼! You will NOT talk to your mother in that tone of voice now go and eat your oatmeal! When you get home you will go to timeout then me and your coach will eat while you think about your actions. What are you waiting for? GO!”

“I’m going.” Gosh! What I wouldn’t give to not have to live with that anymore.

Now on a stomach at the bursting point Alfred was forced to make his way down to the ghostbusting arena. Alfred was as nervous as anybody could get. He was shaking uncontrollably and under considerable duress. Alfred was very afraid that he would be the worst person there, but he was more nervous that he would be in the top three. Only the top three busters went to any of the competitions, and the next competition to be held was the League Championship. This was the most dreaded competition of the year. It was the competition with the most glory, but it was also a sudden death single elimination competition. The terms sudden death and single elimination are taken literally by the Committee of People for Unnatural Phenomena for Sport or CPUPS (c-pups). The team that does worst at the end of each round is very cruelly killed if they haven’t already died in the task presented.

Thump! Alfred was taken out of his day dream by walking right into the ghostbusting facility. As Alfred looked for the entrance his mind was racing with thoughts of who was going to try out. Are they experienced? Will mother kill me if I don’t make the top three? He barely took notice of walking through the entrance, and going into a line of ten people. All of them were looking to bust in The Championship. By the looks on their faces Alfred knew that eight of them were forced to be here and were thinking of how to get out of trying. Alfred, not being the brightest bulb on the tree, had not thought of throwing the tryout as many others had. Alfred had not noticed that he was sleeping until he woke up to a very gruff voice of a man with grizzled whiskers in a full beard and black peppered ponytail had commanded, “Here. NOW!” As the ten rushed in to the front of the lobby, the man began talking and introduced himself as Gregor Draculin. “…You are now on my time. Anything that doesn’t have to do with ghostbusting will leave your mind for the next four hours.—“ Gregor was interrupted by an enormous groan that was let out by the slew of busters. “—For that you will do nothing but run for the first hour of practice. Gear on.” Everybody knew that the gear was twenty pounds heavy and that running would then be that much harder. “Now,” he continued, “that type of behavior will NOT be tolerated. You will give practice everything you have, and I will know if you don’t. All of you that do not give it everything will be cut, but you are then expected to stay for the duration of practice and an hour more. Do you understand me?”

After this was asked a resounding “Uhhh. Yeah. Sure. If you say so,” Came from the busters.

“I will be addressed as Sir, Your Majesty, or Your Most Holy and Amazing Ghostbuster. Now let me ask again. Do you understand?”

“Yes Sir!”

“Good. Now get gear on and meet me by the entrance of the maze. What are you waiting for? GO!” As all ten didn’t want to be held after practice they ran into the changing room for their gear. As soon as everybody had changed they hurried to what they thought was the beginning of the maze, but the saw no sign of Draculin. Right as they started to worry that this was the wrong place Draculin’s voice came on over the loudspeaker. “Now run twenty perimeter laps. I will make PA announcements if anyone is cut. GO!” Then the ten went at a nice jog. Alfred estimated that the maze they were running around was about fifty yards by fifty yards so as they ran he calculated that it would be a 4000 yard run. He knew that that was in the area of around 2.25 mile run, but with twenty pounds of extra stuff he knew it was going to be a long haul. The run was very uneventful, so I shall spare telling you what exactly happened, but I will say that two people were cut. As the ten finished they saw another competitor that they hadn’t seen before, but almost no one noticed because they were too tired. As they were waiting for instructions they tried to catch their breath. Hoping that it would take a while for the next instructions. Alfred, while catching his breath looked around the arena. What he saw was very bland. The structure was just sheet metal in a large box over a hedged maze. The walls were from his vantage point, blank. There were only dents. Soon Draculin's voice came on over the loud speaker. "Today I have shortened the length of the maze and the amount of ghosts. You will all go through it right now. I believe that to take approximately two hours. I will then make a first cut. The people that get cut in the first cut will stay to clean after the ones who have made it through. If anybody dies or is mortally wounded or irreparably crippled, they may go home, but we have no transportation for such cases. Good luck. You’ll need it and I will see you on the other side.”

Now everybody was nervous. They had all heard of people dying in ghostbusting but they had never heard of it in the first tryout of the year, soon the heard a blow-horn that signaled the beginning of the trek through the maze. Everybody was taking the pace of a light jog, but the differing fitness levels had the busters spread out. Alfred being slightly rotund was near the middle but falling behind. The first straightaway went without incident for Alfred, but on his first corner he didn’t look around the corner before turning. He was jogging right into the range of a 22 foot tall transparent orange ghost. Alfred only noticed it by the time it had taken its first swipe at Alfred’s head. Alfred just flopped on his belly and rolled over so he could reach his vacuum, but that’s when it struck again, stomping right where Alfred’s huge belly had been. Now finally, Alfred had controlled his vacuum. Just as he pointed it at the ghost, the wall behind him exploded, revealing more ghosts, so Alfred being uncoordinated just went into a blind rage spinning around with his vacuum on. He could only hope that he got all of the ghosts.

Finally as Alfred opened his eyes he saw himself versus five of the original ghost. No, wait he then realized he was only really dizzy, and it was only the one. Back to where we started. Except this time, I’m ready. With this thought Alfred launched himself off of his feet to fight the ghost. After landing his three inch jump, he was in trouble, and in quicksand. He knew he had no chance, so he thought, Rather than dying slowly in quicksand, I should let the ghost do it and he might do it quickly. So Alfred closed his eyes and prayed for the end to come soon, but it never came, so he slowly opened his eyes to a sight he never expected. Standing with an activated vacuum on the orange ghost was a mammoth of a leprechaun. Alfred estimated him at just over six feet and about 150 pounds, but Alfred could not begin to fathom his face. Alfred thought by the tone of his skin he needed to be an albino, but he knew that couldn’t be because his eyes were such a piercing blue Alfred could not stand to look at them. Under his eyes where what Alfred had thought to be minor injuries but found them to be freckles. Alfred was just taking this in when a voice in the back of his head yelled, “Hey you! Yeah. I just happen to think that WE ARE STILL IN QUICKSAND, so hurry your butt up and get out!”

“OH! Yeah,” Alfred accidentally said aloud.

“Wait! What!? Who’s there?”

“Hi, it’s me. Over here, nope in the quicksand… On the floor…”

“Quiet, ghost! Now give me five more seconds for my vacuum to recharge.”

“GHOST??? AHHHHHHHHHH! HELP! Wait! You mean me! Get off of your twenty foot unicycle. I’m probably the farthest you could ever come from a ghost.”

“Exactly what a ghost would say, and now that my vac’ is ready I shall suck you into oblivion!”

“NO! NO, no no no no no! I’m a person. You can have your vacuum ready but just walk forward and look at the quicksand. I’m in there, so can you help me out?”

“Fine, but be warned ghost! I will—“

“I AM NOT A GHOST!”

“Fine human be warned for if you are lying you shall face something the likes of which you have never dreamt.”

Under his breath Alfred added, “You’re right I’ve never dreamed of a six foot leprechaun.”

“What is this? It truly is a human! Aye, let me help you out.” The leprechaun finally reached out to help Alfred up. “Now what might your name be?”

“Oh. I’m Alfred. Alfred Chism. Who are you?”

“Oh, me? I’d be McDuff O’Reilly. Pride of Ireland, but you can call me Duffy.”

“Well I’d love to sit to tea and chat, but I think we should get a move on.”

“Well said young chap! Let’s be off.” Alfred thought this encounter to be an omen. He hoped a good one, but the back of his mind knew that if it meant anything it was bad. It was decided by Alfred that they would alternate taking left and right turns in hope to go smoothly across the maze. Alfred needed to decide because as he soon found out, Duffy was as dumb as a post, but that’s too insulting. To the posts. Point is, Duffy couldn’t decide which was McDonald's and which was Burger King, but I guess now that BK is stealing ideas from Mickey D’s that would be easier to confuse. Anyways, back to Alfred and Duffy, Alfred had approximated that they were two thirds of the way through the maze without another incident, but they had encountered fresh remains of some their fellow competitors. Although Alfred had no natural talent he could tell directions. As Duffy and Alfred rounded a corner they found themselves right in front of the exit, and in front of a two foot florescent blue house sculpture. The house had obviously been overlooked by all of the others that had come through this way because it was lying on its side with a window broken. Alfred figured that if this house was harmful it would've attacked already so he picked it up as he walked out of the maze. As they came out they saw Draculin surrounded by four other hopeful ghostbusters. He said, "Here's the rest of 'em."

"Wait," Alfred said, "The rest there were ten of us not including Duffy now there are four and I didn't hear any announcements. Where'd they go?"

"Well to be honest, they won't be here anytime soon or anywhere else... ever."

"EVER!? You mean they d- they d- d-... Died?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" Alfred decided to keep his mouth shut, even though his mind was screaming Yes! Of course I have a problem with that! They probably didn't even want this to happen so why the heck did you make them risk their life? "Now," continued Draculin, "Chism, because of your slow journey through the maze, we have wasted a great deal of our practice. Now we only twenty minutes left when we should have an hour. Now we will practice getting our vacuum out of its holster quickly and efficiently.

"Chism, show them how it’s done."

"Coach, but I...-"

"No excuses. On my mark. 3... 2... 1... NOW!" Alfred knew he had to do well so right as 'now' was called he threw both hands to his vac, and ripped it out of his holster. He thought he had done so well until he realized he was on the ground with no vacuum in his hands. How did that happen? he thought. "See this is what not to do. Chism here closed his eyes as he reached for the vacuum as then one well placed blow to the side of the head and he is disarmed and defenseless.

"Now line up I will go down the row one by one. Once you successfully take out your vacuum three times you are done but must stay for the results." At once there was a great commotion to get to the front of line. "Okay, Chism, prove yourself," demanded Draculin

"Yes Sir!" responded Alfred.

"Three... Two... One... NOW!" This time Alfred reached down with one arm to get his vacuum and with the other he attempted to grab the oncoming arm of Draculin. He did deflect the blow, but he could not cleanly get the vac out of its holster. "Fail," stated Draculin, " O'Reilly you next."

"Okey-dokey," he said.

"Three... Two... One... NOW!" McDuff just reached out with one had to grab Draculin's fist and before Gregor knew what had happened, McDuff's vacuum was at his throat. "Well played, O'Reilly. Regalus." Out of the next four people only Igor Stelenoscovitch got his vacuum out cleanly. "Second time through. Chism. Three... Two... One... NOW!" This time Alfred kept his eyes up and put both hands to the vacuum. He dodged Draculin's punch and got his vacuum up. "Hey, hey, hey. Look who didn't fail," teased Draculin. This time through Alfred, McDuff, Igor, and Sirius Regalus all got their vacuums out. McDuff, and Igor passed for the third time in their next try, but Alfred and the other three all failed. Next time only Alfred failed, but by the seventh time through Alfred was the only one left, and he was feeling discouraged. "3... 2... 1... NOW!" Yelled Draculin. Alfred let out the most monstrous grunt ever to have graced the planet and it was so unsettling that it made Draculin stop dead in his tracks, and that slight hesitation let Alfred successfully get his vacuum out. He was so ecstatic he could barely control himself.

"Now," Draculin commented, "the results of the tryout. Brevold, Regalus, Merill. Out. O'Reilly, Stelenoscovitch, Chism. In. Now Regalus, be prepared, if anybody goes down in practice you will step in."

"Okay," came the disgruntled reply of Regalus.

"Now, Brevold, Regalus, and Merill, leave. As for you, O'Reilly, Chism, Stelenoscovitch, I expect to see you back here at three pm tomorrow. You will be allowed to leave at 4:30. Now leave, and don't be late."

"Yes Sir!" Responded the excited three. Alfred was so ecstatic that he practically sprinted home to tell his mother.

"Mother! Mother! Mother come here I need to talk to you!" Screamed Alfred.

"One minute, one minute!"

"Mother! I. Made. The. Team."

"Oh, no. Shut your mouth!"

"No! Its open!"

"Who else is on it with you?"

"Well there's this giant leprechaun named McDuff O'Reilly, this really old, kinda balding dude named Igor, and, well, me."

"Good, good. Who might the alternate be?"

"He is very serious, and, not so ironically, named Sirius Regalus. He is like, really tall. He has some pretty awesome black hair, but beyond that, just average."

"Oh, how good is everybody?"

"Well McDuff owns! He could've strangled our coach when he was pulling his vac. Speaking of vacuums, didn't you say coach was eating here tonight?"

"Yeah, well, I just wanted to scare you into eating the oatmeal."

"That makes sense. Anyways Igor is very smart strategically, so he could be pretty good, and I didn't see Regalus much so I don't know much about him."

"That's good. When's your first practice?"

"Tomorrow at 3:00-4:30"

"Good, good. You're going to walk right?"

"Yeah, I guess." Came the depressed reply of Alfred.

"Oh my gosh! It's 7:15! That's already past your bedtime. Now go to bed if you want to be awake tomorrow."

"Okay, fine. Nightty-Night Mommy!"

"Good night Alfred." As Alfred went down to his bedroom he was so full of energy he thought he could maybe even stay up until eight. Which is when he went to bed on New Year's Eve, and after that he didn't get out of bed for weeks. As Alfred finally finished brushing his teeth and got into his footie pajamas he was lying in bed wide awake thinking of how busting would be. He thought What's our team going to be called? Will we do well? Who's going to be our coach? He pondered these questions and more.

Suddenly as he thought he would never get to sleep, he woke up. Whoa! How did that happen, he wondered, but didn't ponder it long. He just looked at the clock and saw it to be 11:00. Whoa, he thought again, I never EVER sleep past 5:00! As he got up everything hurt. He could barely move. What the heck? What made this happen? Finally he mustered the strength and tried to get out of bed again. This time he managed to swing his legs off of the bed, but he fell back under the pain. He was finally thinking of getting out when he thought OMG! I won't be able to move all day let alone run and exert myself at practice... PRACTICE! That's how I got so sore! Now he had finally gotten out of bed and was pondering how to get his clothes on without moving. After putting on his clothes under excruciating pain, or at least it was to him, he began to waddle up the stairs for breakfast. When he got up he saw his mother running around the kitchen to prepare his breakfast. He tried to get a look, but his mother kept turning him away. After a while Alfred gave up trying to see.

Just after Alfred's favorite show Orange's Hints had finished on TV his mother called him in to eat. As Alfred walked in he saw food. Not a normal amount of food, but an extraordinary amount of food. It was not as appetizing as the one laid out yesterday had been, but this one was still awesome. He saw mountains of any sugar you can imagine. He also saw delicious and healthy foods all over the place. He was slowly led to his seat because he was unable to move due to a vast amount of shock that had been induced. As the shock wore off, hunger came bolting in, and soon Alfred was eating everything that came in sight. He almost even ate the tablecloth but then thought, Wow! How can something this gross be in this succulent mixture? That was when he realized it wasn't meant to be eaten.

When Alfred had finished, he waddled to his couch and sat. He then slept until he was very abruptly wakened at 3:00 to prepare for busting practice. Alfred was now incredibly sore, lazy and tired. Not exactly what one would call a good combination for an hour and a half of physical exertion. Alfred looked at the clock to see it saying 3:15, and Alfred was still in his pajamas. Finally he mustered the strength to get up and go downstairs. When he got back up from a painstakingly slow change it was 3:45. With a 35 minute walk awaiting him, Alfred started his walk to practice. This walk was incredibly slow, and boring so I shall not tell you exact details.
As Alfred finally saw the arena coming into view he looked at his watch. It was 4:22, and Alfred knew that he needed to get to the arena if he wanted to get changed in time. As Alfred picked up the pace to a slow jog he was thinking of what he would encounter this practice.

As Alfred finally entered the facility it was 4:28, and he saw McDuff, Regalus, and Igor waiting for practice to start which meant he had to arrive. As Alfred hurried into the changing room to get his gear on McDuff said to Igor "Cuttin' it a bit close fer the first practice aren' he?"

"Ja. Is ist ein bisschen enger."

"English, laddy, English please.

"Oh. Yes. It is a bit close." Alfred got out of the changing room at 4:29 and 59 seconds. When it turned to 4:30 the doors to the changing room closed and locked, so Alfred was about as lucky as a leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day to get out of there before practice. As Alfred came out so did Draculin. As Alfred went to sit with his fellow busters Draculin spoke. "Again, you are now on my time. Forget everything else. EVERYTHING. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir!" Responded the busters.

"Good. Now, we will begin practice with a sprint from here to the beginning of the maze. I will meet you there. Good-bye. GO!" With this they were off. Alfred not wanting to be marked as weak in Draculin's eyes he made sure that he was not last, and hoped for second. As they got there they saw Draculin and all wondered how he'd got there so fast, but he was not alone.
There was also a very large man. He had bristles on the top of his head, but his eyes were very soft and almost pleading as if to show inner weakness. He looked as if he just went along with what happened, but made sure that if he wanted something added it was said. Also there was a fairly fit man with he eyes of a seasoned veteran, but not hardened through experience, but through showing others. He also had the biggest afro ever. Nobody was within three feet of him because they didn't want hair in their eyes. Along with those two was a very tall man. About 7' 2", but probably taller. This guy was huge, and knew how to handle his body, he was giving off a very compassionate vibe, but there was also an air of warning about him. With these were two men that were direct opposites one was fairly tall and lean while the other was very short and wider than he was tall. The larger one had a very evil fire burning in his eye, it was as if he just wanted other to get into trouble so he could feel better about himself. The other looked nice and forgiving, but would get on you so hard if you stepped out of line. The last man was very average, he looked like he had some actual experience busting, but hadn't done very much, so he knew basics and fundamentals. He also had a forgiving eye, but a side of punishment. Coach Draculin introduced them left to right, "Coach Kracl, Coach Lewiskoni, Coach Gnamwoc, Coach Yemolla, Coach Ferncith, and lastly Coach Ehgan. Coaches these are your busters. The tall one is McDuff, sort one's Chism, dark hair is Regalus, and the last one is Igor. Now that we've met each other let's go."

"Yes Sir!" responded the busters.

"He sure taught them well," said Coach Kracl to Yemolla.

"They better hope their busting is that good if they don't want to run for all of practice," he responded.

"We will start with coach Gnamwoc teaching you close combat with a ghost. Coach, you take it from here," Draculin told everybody.

"Okay, guys what you will do is line up one behind the other... Good now I will start by trying to take you down. I will only do a full force front on tackle. I want you to sidestep a get your vac out before I recover. Okay? Good, Looks like McDuff'll start." With that Gnamwoc charged McDuff. McDuff had been intently watching and listening, so he was prepared and as the coach put his head down McDuff leaped out of the way while pushing Coach Gnamwoc to the ground with his vacuum raised and trained on his face. "Good good. Well played O'Reilly. Chism! You next!" He charged and Alfred was scared out of his pants, so he just saw the coach coming, and ducked. Alfred only opened his eyes when he hear a large thump behind him. As quickly as he could, Alfred turned and took his vacuum out. Just to hear Gnamwoc say "Good job. You used your body to your advantage. Now Igor." This activity went on for the whole first hour of practice with the coaches switching who was lunging as they got tired. "Now," Coach Ehgan panted as he had just finished his turn lunging, "I will hand over practice to the Monarch of Getting in Shape. Monarch, come on over and address your minions."

"That I will Coach," responded Coach Yemolla, "Now all of you little merciful maggots, you will turn into hardened merciless busters by the time I am done with you is that clear!?"

A resounding, "Yes Sir!" came from the crowd.

"We would dream of nothing less, except for our couch," came Regalus' disgruntled response.
This response was a bit too smart-alecky for Coach Yemolla who upon hearing it screamed at him, "WHAT DID YOU SAY!?"

"I-"

"No! Do not even finish that puny little sad excuse for a thought! Now all of you look at him.
Because of this little smart-aleck you will be running hard, non-stop sprints for the rest of the practice. Now everybody thank him. Go ahead. Thank this little waste of space for what he has to all of you."

Out of all of the busters nobody dared speak their mind thinking that those responses would even push Yemolla's buttons, but McDuff finally got out an acceptable. "Way to freakin' go."

"Now Coach Ehgan, would you please jog out until I say stop?"

"I'd be happy to," came the response from the coach as he began the jog out. Alfred was getting worried. He began to think, OMG! How far will he go out? How many will we need to run? Dang! He's getting a ways out there! Do we NEED to sprint? but he didn't dare ask any of these question for fear that it would make them run more.

"Okay... Stop," yelled Yemolla with Ehgan about 125 yards out, "Now," he said addressing the busters, "You will sprint there on my whistle. If all of you sprint we will only do five. Five there AND backs. If any of you false start there will be pushups, and if you don't sprint we will run more." With that he put his whistle in his mouth and blew. The busters were off. They were running as hard as they possibly could, and Yemolla was yelling at them to go faster.

Finally with Alfred bringing up the rear, they made it to Coach Ehgan, and he was screaming. "Now get in line ready, set,-" Alfred had false started, "Oh. That is a shame! Ten push-ups! NOW! 1."

"Uhg," came a bellow from below

"2. 3. 4. 5. 7. 8. 9. 10. Get up, GO!" They were off again. Again they came in to a yelling coach, but Alfred didn't hear he was just waiting for the whistle and thinking, 20% done. TWEET, came the whistle, interrupting Alfred's thoughts, so off he went only to be verbally harassed again, and again on the way back. 40%, he thought. By this time it was the only thing keeping him sane and not attacking the coaches.

Back and forth the busters ran. Alfred knew that he just needed to run and let his mind wander if he wanted to even begin to bare the amount of running they were doing. The only times he snapped back to reality was when he heard, "Get down and gimme 10!" from the coaches.

Finally Alfred knew that they were on their last sprint, so he gave it everything he had, and after it he puked. This the coaches took to mean two things. One, he can give it all. Two, he is really not athletic if he pukes just after that.

"Okay. Bring it in guys," said Ehgan, who had seemed to have taken a leadership role now that Draculin had left, "We had a good practice. Let's bring it back tomorrow same time. with the same intensity. The coaches and I talked when you were running and we have given you a name. You will now be forever known as The Nerd Herd. Coaches, anything else?"

"Nope, I don't think so," came the response from most of the coaches.

"Okay, let's bring it in. Nerd Herd on three. One. Two. Three."

"NERD HERD," came the response of everybody.

As everybody broke up to go to their respective abodes, Alfred lagged behind retching his guts out. After Alfred's even more exhausting walk home he took a nap until he was waken for dinner and after that he slept some more. This became Alfred's daily routine, except he ate healthier.
Finally Alfred was just approaching the arena on his last day of practice before the ghostbusting competition, and he was feeling good about their team’s chances. As he got in Coach Lewiskoni told him to take it easy and that they were cutting practice a half hour short today. Alfred was ecstatic. As he entered the arena after changing he saw a full size maze ready.

"Okay busters," came the voice of Coach Ferncith, "Today all of practice will be just a one time through the maze. Ready? Go." Alfred and the others went in at a leisurely jog, preparing mentally for their first encounter, but it didn't come. Instead, they found that they were closed in the maze and needed to fight their way out, so Alfred just chose a section of wall and ran at it. as he hit it he was promptly transported to a closed circle obviously meant for fighting. Alfred was about to relax when a ghost appeared and charged him. Alfred quickly ducked, pulled out turned simultaneously as to have a quick fight with the ghost, and miraculously it worked. The ghost was gone before Alfred could say, 'Scrumdidilyumpitous,' and upon its disappearance he was transported to the beginning of the closed maze.

He heard a, "Good job Alfred!" from all of the coaches.

"Alfred, nice job, I want you here at 10:00 tomorrow for the bus, don't be late! Now relax tonight!"

Now by Matt

Walking home, Alfred was still in shock. He had just been told to relax tonight. He didn't even think that word was in his coaches' vocabulary. Considering it was almost his bedtime, Alfred was afraid he wasn't even going to be able to relax or even eat his seven o'clock bacon-jello. I have to eat my bacon-jello or I won't have enough energy for tomorrow. I've got to run home. With this desperate thought, Alfred raced towards his house with the mindset that he being chased by Coach Yemolla.

Bursting through the front door ten minutes later, Alfred began to scream at the top of his lungs. "MOM! I NEED MY BACON-JELLO! I NEED TO RELAX! I NEED TO SLEEP FOR THE BIG DAY TOMORROW!" Alfred fell to the ground panting, sweat rolling down his face. "NEVER MIND MOM! I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER FIRST. WHILE I'M SHOWERING, CAN YOU MAKE SOME BACON-JELLO AND PUT IT IN MY ROOM SO I CAN EAT IT RIGHT BEFORE I FALL ASLEEP. AND CAN YOU ARRANGE MIRRORS SO THAT I CAN SEE THE TV FROM MY ROOM BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED TO RELAX TONIGHT. THANKS!"

"Alfred, you don't have to scream, I'm right here," Alfred's mother replied. "Sure honey, you go take a shower and relax and I'll wait on your every need. How was practice?"

"Oh, Mom it was great. I was congratulated by all the coaches for busting a ghost really well. Anyway, I'm going to go shower so I can relax/eat/go to bed."

Alfred set his bacon-jello bowl on the floor. He was watching Orange's Hints through the intricate series of mirrors his mother had set up. Something wasn't quite right though. With a start, Alfred realized he was nervous.

What if I die tomorrow? What if I do something wrong? What if coaches yell at me? Sirius could fill in for me! Couldn't he? Oh, I really don't want to do this! Finally at three o'clock in the morning, Alfred fell asleep.

Six and a half hours later, Alfred woke up even more sore than the previous day. Looking at his clock, his heart began to beat quicker. It was already 9:30 and he needed to be at the Ghostbusting Complex by 10:00! He sprinted into the kitchen, wolfed down his meal, changed into his clothes and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Alfred arrived at the Complex just as the bus was pulling out. Suddenly, it screeched to a halt and the door opened.

"ALFRED!" Coach Ferncith yelled, spit flying from his mouth. "I thought I said 10:00 AM! It is now 10:02 AM! We waited as long as we could, but then we had to leave. You’re lucky we caught you or you'd have to ride with Coach Yemolla who is also late. I can guarantee you would regret being late if you had to ride with him. The insults yelled at you might actually kill you. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally, it would be like someone dropped a nuclear bomb. Well don't just stand there, get in!"

The inside of the bus was a sight that amazed Alfred. It was complete and utter purple, the team's color. The seats were plum, the roof was fuchsia, and the walls were orchid. He quickly walked to the back of the bus to an empty seat and caught up on his sleep. Alfred dreamt of being chased through a haunted house by the scariest ghost he had ever seen. It was transparent orange and had gruesome, yellowed teeth. Just as he was about to be eaten with those teeth, he woke up to something even scarier. The house he had just ran through had appeared before him.

Now written by Brad

The house was Victorian and designed to impress, as it had once been the symbol of grandeur and wealth in the grand state of Pennsylvania. Once the family who inhabited it was murdered, it had lost its luxury. Alfred already hated it here. According to Coach Ferncith, the nearest village was Amish Flats, in which the only points of interest one could find were butter churners and people living like they did in 1669. The coaches had made a point of making sure that this was clear to all participants on the team, many of whom would like nothing better to escape from the certain annihilation that awaited them in the mansion. Coach Kracl began to describe the game plan, which to Alfred, seemed very complicated and difficult to comprehend. Coach Kracl was soon cut off by Coach Ferncith began to elaborate on the offensive plan and Duffy, Alfred and Ivan all focused in, for they didn't want to feel Coach Yemolla's wrath which would become bestowed onto them if they didn't pay attention.

"Alright guys, this is it, this is what we've practiced for. Now, by my figuring, I reckon that if we run a cone and 3.5 we should be able to outwit the opponents who, quite frankly, look as if they have genetics on their side." Coach Ferncith gestured behind him at a large bus that just pulled up. The bus was larger than your typical public transit unit and much more technologically advanced. It was immaculate and painted on the side of the bus was a gigantic ghost trapped behind bars. Across the van in bold lettering was the word SLINGLY. Slingly was a famous academy of ghostbusting that had hauled in the championship trophy for twenty consecutive years. They only recruited the top ghostbusting prospects and Alfred gathered this much just from watching Slingly's players as they walked by. Each player was clothed in silk Adidas sweatpants and matching tops. This however was not the intimidating factor, as each player was over six feet tall and had obtained very large, stellar, well developed muscles. Alfred looked down at his own bicep, its abilities were questionable, and his rotund stomach jiggled like gelatin. A player from Slingly gazed over at Alfred and caught Alfred during his bicep inspection. The player smirked with disdain and trotted over to join his comrades. Alfred, Duffy, and Ivan could tell that Coach Ferncith and Coach Yemolla had subtle discrepancies in their ghostbusting philosophies, and it seemed as though Coach Yemolla could hold his tongue no longer, as Coach Ferncith described the team's offense.

"Ferncith, with all due respect, this group of half-wits won't last one second if they continue to listen to the game plan. It's to elaborate for these slugs to understand. Now, all's that we'se got 't do ta win this competition is run, run, run, and hustle, hustle, hustle. We gotta give 110%! The other teams may be bigger, stronger, smarter, and their mothers may love them more than ours love us, but we have bigger hearts. We have the desire to win, and achieve our goal. The way to do this is to hustle and bustle," Yemolla concluded. Coach Yemolla's philosophy didn't seem to apply to Coach Yemolla himself, yet Coach Gnamwoc agreed with Coach Yemolla and took this opportunity to add his own two cents in.

"I agree with Coach Yemolla; guys, this championship is ours. Look at yourselves, who's to tell you that you guys aren't competitors. I believe that you all are ghost busting failures if you don't win everyone of these games. You're all premier players and I personally won't be surprised if you play on a professional level. Slingly's gear is irrelevant, it's your heart and hustle that will help you ascend to ghostbusting fame."

While the coaches with less ghostbusting credentials had been bickering and clashing ideas, (which just further clouded Alfred's somewhat slow mind), Coach Ehgan, Coach Kracl, and Coach Lewiskoni had privately been discussing the best logical strategy to install in the competition. Each knew that their lackluster group of ghostbusting outcasts had a slim chance at winning a title, therefore they decided they'd just devise a strategy that would help the futile ghostbusters improve their skills.

"Hey, Alfred, Duffy, Ivan come over here," Ehgan called. "Alright, we're going to give you a game plan to follow during this competition.

"Is it better than Coach Yemolla's? because I really don't think that running and hustling would be our strong suit," questioned Albert.

"Aye, the lads and I can't run and hustle for nu'tin," agreed Duffy

"Eir velgen schein holdlevitz schnologoy," added Ivan.

"Exactly, and this is why we're going to focus on our fundamentals, okay?" Lewiskoni explained. "We're going to rely on our vacuum aims and our ability to predict where ghosts would congregate, okay?"

"In addition, this competition allows ghoul-stealing which means that we can take ghosts from other teams holding tanks. This is going to be our advantage," added Coach Kracl.

Somewhere in the distance a loudspeaker instructed all participants to proceed to the auditorium in which the introductory ceremony would be held. Coach Ehgan and Coach Kracl led the way, followed by Alfred, Duffy, Ivan, and Coach Lewiskoni. Coach Ferncith, Yemolla, and Gnamwoc followed behind, indignant that their opinions had been overridden.

The auditorium was a large circular compound in which the seats we're gathered around a square stage the dominated the center of the room. After all the various teams and associated photographers and fans were seated, a portly man walked to the center of the stage.

"Hello, my name is Peter Venkman, I am one of the three original ghostbusters as well as the lead chairperson of this league. I am pleased to cordially invite you to this year's CPUPS League Championship. To my great excitement, this year's competition will be more intense than any other in ghostbusting history, for the ghosts are fiercer than ever before, the terrain: more treacherous. I am also pleased to invite premier teams such as Slingly and Arrowshaft back to the Division 1 tournament. I would also like to introduce our fine pair of referees, Mike Dolwelt and Varacoosha Bloune, and I am going to allow them to explain all the rules and infractions possible in this year's competition. Now, without further ado, Mike and Varacoosha."

Mike Dolwelt and Varacoosha Bloune looked as though Venkman had pulled two inept drunks out of the local bar and dressed them in referee uniforms.

"Well, thank y'all for coming down to our competition. The rules for the contest are that, all teams will be put into the maze and attempt to find their way out. The last team to make it out shall be killed brutally in what we call 'sudden death.' This means that every ghost that is placed in this stage of the competition will be deadly. When I say deadly, I mean that they will be equipped with chainsaws, etc. The last place team will be punished. They will be restrained via rope and placed into the heart of the maze. Incidentally, each room includes a maze in which ghosts will be placed. Anyway, all who survive will be permitted to exit this house, all who don't, um just don't," explained Mike. "Here's Varacoosha with the specific rules."

"Hello folks, my name is Varacoosha, regarding technical fouls I would like to state that according to Ghostbusting Rules and Infractions, under article 471, paragraph 7..."

Alfred fell asleep listening to Varacoosha drone on about the minor and major infractions regarding technical fouls, etc. Coach Yemolla to this opportunity to slap Alfred across the face, and Alfred muttered apologies... and curses under his breath. The Nerd Herd was scheduled to run against the teams, Buffy McBuff Pants, which is Slingly's Division 2 school's team, The Belly Busters, who just showed up, and a team that doesn't have a name because they are ninjas, and by having a name they are defeating the purpose of being ninjas, so they can’t have a team name without going against everything they learned, so they just don't have a name. By this point Alfred felt sick to his stomach. Why did I eat so much bacon jello? he thought to himself. Varacoosha escorted the four teams into the haunted house's gigantic basement in which most of the ghostbusting would take place. Alfred, Duffy, and Ivan all looked fearfully at the labyrinth which lay before them. Each abhorring the prospect of being lost in its bowels trying to hunt entities that would kill the ghostbusters if they we're to slow on their vacuum draw. Each team had a bench on the entrance side to the maze where they would congregate for last advice and suggestions. Coach Ehgan called the team over. "Alright guys, this is the time to play our hardest and remember each and every play we have created. I know that you are all afraid of violent, horrifying deaths, but think of it this way, it’s for the pursuit of glory. Glory is something we all desire, yet can't obtain, sorry, haven't obtained yet. We have to beat our opponents, however talented they may be. In fact in my mind, I believe that you can compete with these D1 teams. They're all talk and no play." Privately Alfred thought Coach Ehgan to be a little bit too encouraging. Coach Ehgan seemed to notice.

"Alfred I know that you're worried, but you have an immense amount of potential, and this is your golden opportunity to find that potential talent, harness it, and follow the road to ghostbusting fame," Coach Ehgan said bracingly.

"Coach, I've ran, shot, and cheated death during my time as a ghostbuster, but trust me, I have complete confidence in our failure," mumbled Alfred.

"Oh please, you little kidder," joked Coach Ehgan. "BUT, IF YOU AREN'T WILLING TO PLAY HARD, AND GIVE THIS YOUR ALL! THEN I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY WHIP YOUR IRRELEVANT, WIMPY, PANSY LITTLE REAR ENDS! I AM GOING TO FEED YOU TO THE BIRDS, THEN GIVE YOUR REMAINS TO THE BUTCHER," Coach Ehgan seemed to have lost his fatherly aroma, but suddenly regained his composure. "Just have fun, kid, I'll always be proud of you."

A loudspeaker blared suddenly, “WILL ALL PARTICIPANTS PLEASE REPORT TO THE MAZE ENTRANCE TO BEGIN THE EVENT, THANK YOU."

After a few parting words and strategies with the coaches, Ivan, Alfred, and Duffy proceeded to the maze entrance. Peter Venkman stood dramatically in front of the various teams.

"Welcome to the D2 segment of the tournament. All teams will attempt to run through the maze and make it out the other side possible. However, this will not be possible without capturing ghosts, hence the title "Ghostbusting. Anyway you will all want to do it in the least amount of time possible, as the last team to make it out of the maze will be slaughtered, eliminated, and destroyed. Thank you, now Mike and Varacoosha will blow the starting whistle and the games will begin."

TWEET, the whistle was blown, and Alfred started sprinting into the maze, followed by Ivan and Duffy. Alfred glanced over at the teams who were running next to them, they seemed as nervous as Alfred was. Alfred's confidence began to grow, yet as the competitors arrived at the first fork in the maze, it was instantly crushed under a fresh wave of anxiety.

"Take the left lads, I can feel it in me bones, aye besides, I'm a leprechaun ain't I? Luck is on me side," Duffy proposed.

"Volsosk, lasqar uel ein foscheinaloy," added Ivan

The trio sprinted past the fork and found themselves in a lonely corridor which seemed to go on forever. To Alfred's dismay, the team was alone in the tunnel.